Greedy Goddess Sue

I think that there is far too much power given to the notion of “fakes.” At times I think it overwhelms the discussions, and even the individuals.

Let’s get this out of the way: There will always be fakes on both sides of our fetish. You can accept it or not, but it’s a fact. There will always be fakes/scams/wanks/instas/cookie-cutter-fakes/whatever-you-want-to-call-them .

For every fake dominant, there are a dozen fake subs for them to play with. For every fake sub, there are a dozen fake dominants to play with.

(I like to think that the fakes all find each other and make each other miserable. )

And when you’re dealing with fetishes, you are dealing with areas of reality and fantasy. These lines blur easily which makes it the perfect breeding ground for someone to exploit your fantasies, no matter which side of the D/s coin you flip on.

I was chatting with someone today who spoke of having to ‘clean up the mess’ of the fake stupidity. About having to put together boys back together who have been burned by fakes.

And perhaps I’m cynical … but here was my response:

[GoddessSue] a bit of a warning: there are TONS of boys who will engage a domme with the “poor me, I’ve just been so hurt/burned/conned before” stuff to draw you into a relationship
[GoddessSue] so that you have to “help” them over the hurt with the implied idea that they’ll serve you once they are healed
[GoddessSue] it’s a clever scam

This is not to say that there aren’t people who have been hurt/burned/conned by a fake. I’m positive, actually, that there are.

It IS to say, however, that there are a whole breed of boys out there who have discovered this is a very easy way to worm their way into a relationship without having to give anything real. Anything real, not just financially, but of themselves. It is a very clever way to get a “real” role-play relationship with someone who is actually invested, while they aren’t.

Then the cycle of power that the notion of “fakes” has… continues. Because when the dominant realizes that the submissive has no real intention of actually participating (financially or emotionally), they feel burned. And they get cynical. And then they start thinking, “Well, fuck this, I’m not talking to anyone who doesn’t tribute first.” And then the boys get upset over yet another dominant who won’t bother getting to know each other before requiring tribute. And then starts that non-sexay “you prove you’re real first” “no, you” “no, you” etc etc etc

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

And the fakes take over just a little bit more.

There is such an easy way to handle this. (I say easy, but I experienced my fair share of frustration over dealing with the entire exhausting vibe that comes from all of this before realizing…) You choose what you give power over you. It really is that simple.

Some of this way of seeing it is just time and wisdom (yanno… wisdom… that thing we’re supposed to gain from experience), I have learned how to tell the sincere from the insincere rather quickly… or perhaps more truthfully: I’ve learned to tell who I’m compatible with and who I am not.

So I don’t waste my time. I don’t waste my energy. I don’t even waste a thought. When I talk to someone I think may have the potential to be interesting to me, it may pan out into something fun and/or profitably fun. It may not. That’s what the talking is for, to find that out.

But I am not drawn past any depths I don’t want to go to. I am in control of myself as much as I am of others. More so, actually.

I’m very clear with myself and others on what I expect. On what I won’t be bothered with. On who I am. I’m not here to prove anything to anyone else. I’m not here to ’sell’ myself to you. I am just me. And I’m not like anyone else but me. I don’t want to be.

I know that no matter how many subs I encounter who I consider “fake,” they cannot ‘take’ anything from me (time, energy, thought) that I don’t give. And on the other side of the fake coin… I know that no matter how many sparkly sites pop up demanding “gimme gimme piggies,” they do not reflect on either my fetish or me.

And I’ve found that just by being me, really and truly just me, I draw to me exactly what/who I want/need. Often those who I wouldn’t even want to be bothered with (ie fakes) avoid me. They don’t want to talk to me and/or they know I won’t talk to them. It works out well that way.

(side note: I suspect there are far fewer fake subs and dommes than you believe there are, rather there are a finite number of them recycling user names and lines to try their games anew when their existing id’s are recognized by enough people as avoidable.)

I see too many people thinking that, as dominants, they have to follow some odd online manual of cookie cutter domme-by-the-numbers rules, or they are fake. Too often that manual is written by the fakes, don’t pay attention to it!! You don’t have to have sparkle tags to enjoy being spoiled!!

And there are real people out there! Despite how the amount of ranting about fakes can make it appear? … there are real subs, there are real dominants.

But…

As long as psuedo subs can get some attention with their ‘lines’ … they will.

As long as pseudo dommes can make a buck or two with their games … they will.

And the fakes will always use the same language that the real folks use, because it is what works. Yeah, that makes it a bit harder to tell real from fake, but not that much harder.

But has ranting: “boo hiss, fakes suck, go away fakes” ever, ever, ever made them go away? LOL No!

This is not to say that we should pretend fakes don’t exist, or never discuss the issues of fakes, or even that they shouldn’t be publicly mocked!! That’s fun, too! And useful.

(I reserve the right to rant about it myself, whenever I want.)

I just abhor that valid discussions get sidetracked on ‘fake’ and that perfectly good people get all cynical and exhausted and overwhelmed with not just the ‘fakes’ … but also with how much of their energy is taken up with the pervasive *vibe* that can seem that everyone around the web is a fake.

I’ve said for ages, and I’ll say it again here:

“Why are there so many fake dommes?” Because you boys keep paying them to stick around, silly!

… and it can be rephrased for the other side of the same coin…

“Why are there so many fake submissives?” Because you women keep paying attention to them, silly!

It may be hard to step back from your desires (whether we’re talking about hard for a man to make clear judgments when his dick is making the decisions for him, or about it being hard for a dominant to make clear judgments when someone is saying the things that make her all excited) to make rational evaluations and decisions, but it being difficult is no excuse for not doing it.

And maybe we could all spend a little more time and energy talking about the real stuff, too!!